Southern Sass: Baseball Is the Slowest, Greatest Game on Earth

4.20.2017

Baseball Is the Slowest, Greatest Game on Earth

Everyone keeps talking shit about baseball. "It's boring." "It's slow." "Nothing happens." The very point of the game seems to be humming right past them like a Kershaw curveball.

If you have trouble reading this email, go to the online version

National

April 20, 2017

Baseball Is the Slowest, Greatest Game on Earth
If You Want Baseball to Be Faster, You're Missing the Point

Everyone keeps talking shit about baseball.

"It's boring."

"It's slow."

"Nothing happens."

The very point of the game seems to be humming right past them like a Kershaw curveball. These instant-gratification addicts are even leading to gross infringements on our North American pastime. Looking at you, new rule allowing batters to take first base at the mere suggestion of an intentional walk.

But baseball should be slow. Remember how you were recently telling your friend/boss/parent how "crazy busy" you are and that book by that lady you bought about slowing down to the speed of life or whatever? Well, hell, baseball'll cure what ails you.

It's slow as a stoned sloth in the Deep South, and that's just the way I like it. Here's why.