Southern Sass: UD | Important Halloween Information

10.21.2013

UD | Important Halloween Information

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10/21/13

The Fright Stuff

The Five Things You Need for Halloween

In 10 days, Halloween will be upon us. Which means you’ve got precious little time (like, 10 days) to figure out a costume, carve a pumpkin, put up some decorations, plan a party and... yeah, we know, it’s going to be impossible without a little help. So here’s a little help.

HOUSING AUTHORITY

Step 1: Find a Suitable Party Space

They’ll Expect: Your place, except with fake cobwebs.
You’ll Give Them: An amusement-park-grade haunted house thrown together by a team of professionals (yup, haunted house professionals). Forget fog machines and strobe lights—these guys will build you an entire fake cemetery. Assuming you’ve got the space for an entire fake cemetery.


411:	Your Custom Haunted House, start the groundbreaking here

NEXT OF PUMPKIN

Step 2: Commission Some Pumpkins

They’ll Expect: An assortment of gourds on a porch.
You’ll Give Them: A museum-worthy display of custom-carved pumpkins that you commissioned from a few jack-o’-lantern masters. You name it, they’ll carve it into a pumpkin. Including your face. Especially your face.


411:	Masterpiece Pumpkins, pick something here

MASK JEEVES

Step 3: Complete Your Costume

They’ll Expect: You to wear some sort of mask. Probably zombie. Or vampire. Or Reagan.
You’ll Give Them: One of over 30 hideous face-shields that have been custom-created by an award-winning Hollywood makeup artist. Which, coincidentally, is your favorite kind of Hollywood makeup artist.


411:	The Scream Team, put on your game face here

MAD PROPS

Step 4: The Finishing Touches

They’ll Expect: We have no idea, but not this...
You’ll Give Them: A few ultrarealistic dismembered body parts, replica fetuses, shrunken heads and edible blood from the prop guys who worked on Breaking Bad. Good show. Maybe you’ve heard of it.


411:	Dapper Cadaver, tie the room together with a corpse here

KING ME

Step 5: Oh, and Invite Stephen King

They’ll Expect: That maybe you’ll screen a scary movie. Like, say, The Shining.
You’ll Give Them: The Shining... with live commentary from Stephen King himself. Because according to his booking agent, Mr. King would like to attend your Halloween party. And he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy you’d want to disappoint.