Southern Sass: UD | This Is How Oscars Get Won

8.05.2013

UD | This Is How Oscars Get Won

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08/05/13

Screen Time

Everything You Need to Shoot a Movie

We’re the Millers. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters. The Smurfs 2. These are the cinematic tours de force you have to look forward to this month. Translation: August movies are bad and it’s time to take filmmaking matters into your own hands. Here’s how you take filmmaking matters into your own hands.

THE PROPS

A Warehouse Full of Fake Things

You Require: Enough stunt pads, taxidermied alligators, prop machetes and leather vests to bring Paul Hogan out of retirement.
You’ll Receive: All of that stuff—plus whatever else you care to demand from the same prop house that supplies Mad Men and Curb Your Enthusiasm.


411:	Independent Studio Services, find some fake mustaches here

THE CAST

A Stable of Famous Actors. Sort Of.

You Require: Tom Cruise, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Angelina Jolie, Whoopi Goldberg and maybe President Obama for a cameo.
You’ll Receive: Their impersonators. Supplied by a company with about 40 years of experience in the celebrity doppelgänger game. Side note: they’ll also rent you the real Pauly Shore. Just something to think about...


411:	Bob Gail Special Events, assemble an all-star supporting cast here

THE CAMERA

The Right Way to Film on an iPhone

You Require: A high-quality camcorder equipped for extreme close-ups, wide-angle panoramics and David Lynch–style dream sequences.
You’ll Receive: This iPhone 5 case made of aircraft-grade aluminum that houses four different lenses—zoom, macro, wide-angle, fisheye—and right now, it’s 22% off via UD Perks. And they said you couldn’t keep the film under budget...


411:	iZZi Orbit, pick up cinematography here

THE... CHAIR

A Really, Really Nice Director’s Chair

You Require: A seat worthy of your directorial vision, whereupon you may comfortably shout demands for more energy and passion from Nicolas Cage.
You’ll Receive: This Rolls-Royce of director’s chairs, handmade from vegetable-tanned Italian leather and yacht-worthy teakwood. Spielberg wishes he had one.


411:	Dario Alfonsi Director’s Chair, look the part here

THE CLAPBOARD

This Is How You Start a Scene

You Require: A slate, shot log, notepad, timecode sync—and most importantly, one of those clapboards you need whenever you say “action.”
You’ll Receive: An iPhone app that conveniently puts all of those tools in one place. And don’t worry if you don’t know what a timecode sync is. That’s why man invented production assistants.


411:	MovieSlate, clap on, clap off here

Stoli*. We assume you’re familiar. Fine, very familiar. Well, they’ve just launched a web channel with videos of original people doing some pretty unexpected things in art, fashion and culture. Like an aerospace engineer... who’s perfecting chocolate (finally). So tune in and let the content roll. You had a good run, productivity.