Southern Sass: UD | If the Mayans Are Right, You'll Need This

12.14.2012

UD | If the Mayans Are Right, You'll Need This

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12/14/12

End Game

Here’s Your Apocalypse Survival Guide

Hey, happy holidays. Also, you might die soon. At least if the Mayans have their way, that is. And just in case they do, here’s what you’ll need to make the end of days go that much smoother. Oh, and in the very likely event we all survive... this stuff’s still pretty solid.

RADIO ACTIVE

A Totally Necessary Radiation Detector

Maybe this whole doomsday thing’s got you thinking, “Hey, I could really use an aesthetically pleasing little device that plugs into my iPhone, tests for radiation and determines which foods are truly organic or not. Also, a Fig Newton would be lovely.” You’re on your own Newton-wise, but here’s that other thing.


411:	Lapka Personal Environment Monitor, monitor your environment personally here

PHONE HOME

A Phone That Stays Charged for 15 Years

What you have here is an emergency cell phone. It’s for emergencies. It’s also the only phone in the world that’s powered by a single AA battery, keeps its charge for 15 years and can withstand temperatures of up to 140 degrees Fahrenheit. We’re pretty sure it’s meteor-proof, too.


411:	SpareOne, make some really dangerous phone calls here

SURVIVOR

This Bag Could Save Your Life

We have a bag for you. It’ll help you survive the apocalypse. It’ll also help you survive a camping trip after the apocalypse doesn’t happen. Let’s see, it’s got a metal water bottle, a Recon task light, a really sharp knife and some FrogLube. It’s for cleaning guns, not... never mind. Gross.


411:	Gerber Go Bag, do John Rambo proud here

QUAKE PIT

Finally, an Earthquake-Resistant Bed

The last time 65 tons of rubble fell on you while you were in your bed, it totally crushed you. Never again. Because now there’s this earthquake-proof bed called Wood-Luck. It’s made out of cypress, which is strong. And hey, if your bed just experiences some run-of-the-mill vigorous shaking...


411:	Wood-Luck Bed, sleep tight here and here

FALLOUT BOY

If It Comes to This, Just Forget It

Nuclear explosions. We’re told they’re pretty catastrophic. And hopefully none of those happen anytime soon, but hey... prophesies. What can you do. Except maybe check out this website that uses Google Maps to show you what the fallout in your area would look like should a nuclear disaster occur. So that’s... dark.