Southern Sass: UD | Britney Spears, Blurred Lines and Pirates

11.07.2013

UD | Britney Spears, Blurred Lines and Pirates

If you have trouble reading this email, go to the online version

11/07/13

WKND is opening at $45.10 a share.

PERK ALERT

48% Off Some Amazing Pants

These just in: 1) The most comfortable and technologically advanced pants known to man, 48% off. 2) 20% off the Equil JOT—an amazing smartpen that syncs everything you write to your devices. 3) An exclusive box of the world’s most exquisite spirits, delivered every month. It’s almost too easy.


411:	The Surface pants from Proof; the Equil JOT smartpen; rare liquor delivery from Mr Smith

WHITE LINES

This Week in Airport Security News:

—The FAA announced passengers may now use laptops, tablets and other electronics that aren’t cellphones during takeoff and landing. Great. We guess.
—A Montreal Airport security guard discovered three pumpkins inside of a woman’s luggage that were allegedly filled with two kilos of cocaine. Canada. Figures.


411:	FAA Allows Expanded Use of Electronics, power on for takeoff here; Cocaine-Stuffed Pumpkins at Montreal Airport, trick or treat here

SPEAR HEADING

How the British Fend Off Pirates Now

A playlist full of Britney Spears.

On repeat.

At an unreasonably loud volume.

Using speakers pointed directly at Somali pirates.

Never fails.


411:	Britney Spears Music Scares Off Somali Pirates, engage in “Toxic” warfare here

BLURRED VISION

The “Blurred Lines” Girl Has a Website

Her Name: Emily Ratajkowski.
That’s Pronounced: Rah-tah-cow-skee.
You Know Her As: That girl from the “Blurred Lines” video.
You’ll Remember Her For: Her not-at-all-safe-for-work photo shoots with Jonathan Leder and Terry Richardson, and now: her very own website. Yes, the Internet needed this.


411:	Emily Ratajkowski, sexiness awaits here

FROZEN IN TIME

A Christmas Story... Monument

Remember that scene in A Christmas Story where the kid’s tongue gets stuck to a pole? Yeah... great scene. So great, turns out, that the residents of Hammond, Indiana, decided to erect a life-size monument of that scene in its honor. Or as a reminder of the dangers associated with triple-dog dares.


411:	A Christmas Story Monument, say “ahh” here

BEAR WITH ME

80-Year-Old Man vs. Wild Bear

What happens when a very old Russian shepherd meets a very carnivorous bear in a raspberry field:
1) Man crosses paths with bear.
2) Man head-butts bear.
3) Bear throws man off cliff.
4) Man survives.
5) Man’s family bakes him pies.
6) Pies are washed down with vodka... presumably.